“This is the Only Time in the Week I Get a Hug”

C. Philip Slate

My wife and I were once members of a congregation in which a tall and tough brother who grew up in Mississippi routinely greeted people who came into our building. Generally, he hugged the older women, especially the widows. He once reported that one of our elderly sisters said, “This is the only time in the week I get a hug.” That comment was both wonderful and tragic. Here is the reason for my judgment.

Loneliness is a serious emotional condition that leads to many physical and mental problems. A recent Prime Minister of the UK, Teresa May, was so concerned about the high percentage of lonely people in the British Isles that she created a Ministry for Loneliness. In our country, the Center for Disease Control reports that the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine (NASEM) discovered that “more than one-third of adults aged 45 and older feel lonely, and nearly one-fourth of adults aged 65 and older are considered to be socially isolated” (CDC Website on “Loneliness”). Further, people who feel lonely, even when not socially isolated, tend to die earlier and have many more physical and mental illnesses than those who feel like they belong and have friends. To me, it seems regrettable that an elderly sister gets hugged only once per week. Surely her comment was a graphic way of describing her feeling alone most of the time. That was the bad, the tragic part of the sister’s comment.

The good side of her comment was that the hug she got, and clearly cherished, was at the assembly. I don’t know that the big man at the door was the only one who hugged her. Perhaps not. I hope not. The current fallout from the social distancing required to manage the spread of the coronavirus is causing a lot of church members to realize what usually takes place at assemblies without their commenting on it, without realizing its benefits. Christian greetings, smiling faces, cheerful comments, and words of encouragement are almost taken for granted; but they are a few of the ingredients of fellowship, of sharing life that occurs “when we come together.”

Currently, I am in a congregation where a widowed daughter is taking care of her widowed mother who has early stages of dementia. The mother cannot understand “why we can’t go to church now.” She doesn’t hear well enough to follow the sermons or public prayers, but she wants to be there. Why? Hearing people greet her and seeing their smiling faces communicate to her. She does not feel alone. Occasionally, younger people also feel lonely. Be sensitive to them as well.

It would be cheap and theologically indefensible to urge someone to become a Christian “so you can get a hug!” There are a lot of by-products of the Christian worldview that we don’t use on the front end of our teaching people. Having stated that, however, throughout church history it is clear that consistently lived Christian deportment has opened thousands of doors for people to hear the good-news message.

Church leaders will do well to keep their antennae up for members who might be lonely. People need not be in the hospital for us to be aware of some of their needs. It is a pity to have such a potent benefit for people as fellowship and then fail to use it. Be proactive in seeing to it that someone visits lonely or potentially lonely members on a periodic basis. Even phone calls are helpful, but to many people there is nothing like a hug! It is a part of shepherding; it is a way of loving one another. By the way, I’ve noticed that older men do not recoil when I put an arm around them and give them a hug.