Pastoral Counseling: Helping People Face Fear
by Bill Bagents
How do we deal with fear? Some Christians know the biblical answer, and it’s simple. They cite book, chapter, and verse.
- “Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear” (Ps 27:3).
- “Do not fear, only believe” (Mark 9:36).
- “…for God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control” (2 Tim 1:7).
- “The Lord is my helper. I will not fear. What can man do to me?” (Heb 13:7; Ps 118:6).
- “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18).
They add Revelation 1:17 and 21:8 for good measure. For these bold and confident Christians, fear is failure to take God at His word. To them, fear is sin, weakness, and lack of faith. Fear is always an unwise, unworthy, and unbiblical choice.
While these assertions may be true in some cases, we’re blessed to know that facing fear isn’t that simple. Fear as an emotion is not sinful. To use an extreme example, there’s no sin in fearing snakes or in being startled and distressed when we see one. There would, however, be sin in letting our fear of snakes keep us from rescuing a child who was about to be struck by one.
On the other hand, we see good judgment in Israel’s fear before the Lord at Sinai (Exod 19:16). Esther’s slight delay and prayer request reflected her understanding of the life-and-death situation she was about to face before the king (Esth 4:13–17). While we’re amazed at the courage of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, we would not claim that they had no feelings of fear in the face of the fiery furnace (Dan 3:16–18). Scripture does not describe their emotions, only their faith and commitment to God. How much more courageous their choice if they felt great fear and acted faithfully instead of protecting their lives.
We do not think poorly of the Philippian jailer who, after earthquake and rescue, “trembling with fear…fell down before Paul and Silas” (Acts 16:29). In twin acts of healthy transparency, Paul shared his fears with the Corinthian Christians in both 1 Corinthians 2:3 and 2 Corinthians 7:5.
While fear is sometimes warranted, we dare not let it move us to cowardice. John 12:42–43, read with John 7:13 and 9:22, lead many to believe “because of the Pharisees they did not confess Him” must have included an element of fear. If so, this fear certainly set the stage for sin. By not confessing Jesus, they denied Him. Failing to confess Jesus, regardless of the reason, can’t be right. Fear—even great fear—offers no excuse for sin (Matt 25:14–30).
In the broadest of terms, it helps to sort fears by category. Some fears are merely inconvenient while others are debilitating. Fear of frogs, clowns, or spiders, for example, may be emotionally troubling, but present no moral danger. Extreme fear of germs or crowds will be life-limiting. Assisting in overcoming phobias may lie outside our skill set, but there are three needed reminders.
- Please don’t dismiss or make light of phobias. To do so sends a terrible and discouraging message to the victim. Even when we can’t offer specific help, we can offer powerful assistance by being caring and respectful.
- The irrational fear may create an opportunity to teach critical thinking skills.
- Finally, we may discover what counselors call “the presenting problem.” It may be that the hurting person sought your help and began with mentioning a phobia as a test. The phobia was a safe place to begin. The hurting person felt a need to gauge your level of compassion and wisdom before sharing a deeper and more troubling issue. If it proves to be a test of wisdom and compassion, we’re blessed to pass it.
Some fears are rational and others irrational. For irrational fears, those flowing from extremely unlikely events—being struck by a meteor or eaten by piranha, our role may be to listen without laughing or labeling. The need of the moment may be confirmation that we don’t judge unbiblically and God doesn’t condemn people just because they struggle.
For rational fears, one of the biggest needs is maintaining truthfulness. Many church leaders feel a strong pull to reassure: “Now, now, everything’s going to be okay. God wouldn’t let this happen to you or yours.” We must avoid false reassurance. Terrible things happened to Abel, Job, Joseph, Jeremiah, Daniel, Naboth, John the Baptizer, and Jesus. When we speak where God has not, we err grievously.
If the fear being addressed is rational, part of our role may lie in risk reduction. Faith does not preclude common sense and good judgment. Can we offer suggestions that minimize the danger? Ideas to explore could include buying a home security system, getting a dog, moving to a safer neighborhood, walking home from work with a friend, or changing shifts at work. We can rightly suggest and offer prayers for protection.
We can recommend comforting biblical passages, including those that document the ability of personal courage to help others overcome fear (Ps 23; John 14; 2 Cor 4–5; Judg 4:4–9; 1 Sam 14:1–14; Phil 1:12–14). And we can share the great biblical truth that the person who fears God ultimately has nothing else to fear (Matt 10:25–33; especially v. 28). We’re wise to offer this truth with foundation and compassion rather than as a dismissive platitude. All truth is God’s, but some hurting people don’t yet have the reservoir of faith and knowledge to hear and grasp His more challenging teachings.
Always, we’re wise to listen and learn before forming opinions or offering suggestions. It’s possible that a fearful sister has already faced her fear, and like Esther has made a godly choice. It’s possible the devil is attacking her through false guilt. “Yes, you did right—eventually. But you felt fear first. You failed to trust God. You’re just as guilty as if you’d never done right.” We know this is a lie, but we also know how tenderhearted some people are. A person in this situation needs clarity of thought, compassion, and commendation. A suggested reply: “Bless your tender heart. Being human, you felt fear. Being Christian, you trusted God more than you trusted even your own heart. You chose to honor God by doing what you knew to be right. Your example is so encouraging to me!”
Other scenarios are possible. It could be that our sister has not yet decided to face her fear and do right. She may need help in recognizing that she is not destined to be controlled by her fear. She can act better than she feels. She can do right no matter how she feels. Or, she may already know this, but need help in choosing to do what she knows to be best. As counselors, we often lend moral, biblical, and intellectual support to good people. We encourage them to step up to God’s will.
Of course, it’s possible that our sister has given in to fear and wants help to feel less bad because of her bad decision. “If I can get a church leader to tell me that this is okay, then I won’t have to hurt over it anymore.” This is help that we can’t offer (2 Tim 4:3–4). Doing bad should feel bad. Godly sorry over sin needs to hold sway and move us to repentance (2 Cor 7:8–12).
First, we listen and learn. Then, we teach. It’s so dangerous to assume that everyone knows that the mere feeling of fear, no matter how intense, is not inherently sinful. The devil won’t waste effort. If he can persuade a person, “You’ve already sinned by feeling fear. Since you’re already defeated, what you do next doesn’t matter,” he will take the victory. We’re wise to know that our feelings are not fully and immediately under our control. Our actions are. Feelings often flash; they appear from nowhere. Our actions are different; we can always choose to do right.
Knowing that we can and should control our actions is essential, but incomplete. Some people battling fear will need help in identifying options, choosing the best one, and moving from choice to action. When godly action is identified, we strongly recommend taking it as soon as is feasible. While we support prayer and sound thinking, we do not support delay. Fear often grows through delay. Unhealthy delay blesses no one.
As with most of life, expect progress in overcoming fear to be zigzag. It’s far more likely to be a process complete with setbacks rather than a monumental breakthrough when all fear disappears entirely and forever. We don’t deny that God is capable of those monumental moments, but we seldom have the capacity to receive that level of blessing.
Secondly, “progress” is a very broad word in the context of dealing with fear. In the best of cases, the fear is overcome never to return. Sometimes the fear is largely overcome, but ongoing battles ensue. As the fear tries to return, we battle it with prayer, biblical teaching, sound thinking, and the support of trusted friends.
Sometimes, the fear is not overcome, but it is managed to an effective degree. For Christians this is in no way a denial of Psalm 27:3; Mark 9:36; John 14:27; 2 Timothy 1:7; or Hebrews 13:7. Rather, it’s a realistic admission of human frailty in this sin-damaged world. Satan will deny this nuanced view. He will assert that dealing with fear is either/or: “You claim to believe the Bible. Either you trust God by ‘casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you’ (1 Pet 5:7), or you don’t. God doesn’t tolerate halfhearted faith.” Please note that we present the devil quoting scripture just as he did to Jesus (Matt 4:6). Nothing is sacred to Satan.
Do we see the errors in Satan’s statements above? He presents a classic false dichotomy. He presents a situation as either/or when it’s far more complex. He omits grace. He subtly denies the great truth taught in Mark 9:14–29. In our better moments, all of us can identify with the desperate father’s plea, “I believe, help my unbelief” (Mark 9:24)! We know that we are works in progress. Our faith always needs to grow (2 Cor 10:15; 2 Thess 1:3; 2 Pet 1:5–11). God doesn’t bless halfhearted faith, but He has an outstanding history of faith development. He has an outstandingly gracious record of working with those who want His help and blessing (Luke 17:5–6; 22:31–32; John 20:24–31).
When you are blessed to help a fellow Christian overcome any fear, please don’t forget commendation and celebration. Tell the overcomer, “I’m so happy for you. I love the victory that God has given you!” And please don’t forget to ask, “How do you feel now that God has given you this victory?” We do not imply that our feelings are God’s standard, but we love to celebrate with those who open the door of God’s deliverance (Rom 12:15; Phil 2:3–4). We want them to use the energy and encouragement of the “win” for even greater spiritual service.
If the victory over fear comes in the form of faithful endurance, please don’t forget 2 Corinthians 12:7–10. God didn’t remove Paul’s thorn, but He changed Paul’s perspective. He gave Paul—and us—a lesson in grace, trust, strength, wisdom, power, perspective, and humility. The longer we live, the more we appreciate those deep and quiet souls who face great fear and trust God anyway.
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