The Power of Prevention

Pastoral Counseling: The Power of Prevention

by Bill Bagents

I so wish I could remember where I first saw the church described as “a kingdom of right relationships.” While incomplete, it’s so helpful and so accurate. It fits Jesus’s description of the first and second commandments (Matt 22:37–40). If we love God as fully as possible and love our neighbors as ourselves, all of life goes better.

Those of us who counsel regularly are exposed to a darker view of life. Hurting people—often severely damaged and hurting people—seek our help. It can seem that everybody is in major pain. It can come to appear that most people live in crisis. While every human both experiences harm and hurts others in this sin-damaged world, life isn’t always as dark as our wearied perception.

Paths to Dysfunction

We’d never deem ourselves wise enough to list, describe, and quantify every approach to emotional and relational pain. But there is value in remembering the most common paths. If we seek to decrease dysfunction, we need to know what we’re trying to prevent.

At the top of the list is trying to be our own gods. We are not the source of power, truth, or righteousness (Job 38–42; Prov 16:2, 25; Jer 10:23–24). We are not the standard by which all else is judged. We are not even close to all-knowing, and we don’t really understand all that we think we know.

Frequent and painful is trying to please everyone. Logically, people are exceedingly diverse. It’s literally impossible to please everyone since people have stunningly different needs, wants, and agendas. One wants rain for the garden while another wants maximum sun for her picnic. One wants one-on-one time with you while another wants a big gathering of family and friends.

Regrettable and self-punishing is failing to admit and learn from our errors. What’s wrong, dumb, or less than the best is wrong, dumb, and less than the best even if we do it. We all err and sin (Rom 3:23). Failing to admit our failings is stunningly damaging. It demands wasting energy by trying to defend the indefensible. It makes us look bad and feel bad. It distances us from God and from people who can help us. It ensures that we fail to grow through our errors.

Classically foolish is choosing the wrong advisers (Prov 13:20). Biblical examples include Amnon and Jonadab (2 Sam 13:1–22), Ahab and Jezebel (1 Kgs 21), and Ahab with his false prophets (1 Kgs 22:1–7).

Ever more common is choosing entitlement. It’s amazingly arrogant to think that the universe exists to meet my needs, that life should be as I prefer. To choose entitlement is to invite perpetual victimhood. Life will not always go as we prefer. Many of our expectations will go unfulfilled.

Tragically unwise is failing to differentiate true and false guilt. “Godly grief” that leads to repentance holds amazing power (2 Cor 7:10). But grinding sorrow over matters we did not cause and could not prevent causes only pain. Even the strongest feeling of sorrow holds no benefit unless it bears “fruit in keeping with repentance” (Matt 3:8).

Foolish to the core is choosing an unbiblical model of success or even meaningful existence. To the best of our knowledge, Abel never fathered a child, wrote a book, earned a degree, led a movement, or did any deed of renown. Yet he stands as an example of faithfulness (Heb 11:4). We don’t even know the name of the widow who gave the two small coins, but we expect to see her in heaven (Mark 12:41–44). We know that God sees far better than we do (1 Sam 16:7; Rev 2:8–9).

What Can Church Leaders Do to Prevent These Paths to Pain?

If the church is in any sense a kingdom of right relationships, we want to minimize pain and dysfunction. We want to stop patterns of neglect and abuse. We want to build love, joy, peace, trust, faith, and service. Part of doing this great work is accessing the power of prevention.

Prevention is strategic on several levels.

• It follows the example of God (Gen 4:6–7; Deut 11:26–28).
• It invites people to forego the scars and residual effects that often accompany even sin that has been forgiven (2 Sam 12:7–14).
• It demonstrates the power of God’s word to bless, guide, and protect (Ps 119:97–104; 2 Tim 3:16–17).
• It demonstrates biblical wisdom (Prov 22:3, 27:12).
• It demonstrates excellent stewardship. Often the resources—time, tears, effort, and expertise—required for prevention are far less than those needed for reclamation (Prov 18:19).

To practice prevention of sin, self-will, and broken relationships, help people trust God. Teach people that God is good, gracious, merciful, and loving—even when life seems to say otherwise (Job 13:15; Rom 8:31–39; 2 Cor 4:7–16). The stories of Abraham, Joseph, Daniel, and Paul all powerfully document this truth. Please don’t assume that hearers have already grasped this fact.

Help people align their view of reality with God’s. We are “sojourners and exiles” in this world (1 Pet 2:11–12). While we live here, we will have trouble (Job 14:1; John 16:1–4). The Bible offers no example of a godly person who experienced no challenges.

Help people treat others right/lovingly always (Matt 5–7; Rom 12:3–21; 1 John 3:18). Through your personal example, classes, sermons, and conversations, help people apply biblical principles of right conduct. Challenge what needs to be challenged; commend what merits commendation. Don’t miss an opportunity to teach.

Help people face truth. While we can offer the gospel, we can’t make anyone choose faith (Mark 10:17–22; Matt 23:37–39; John 1:11–13). To quote the great philosopher Clint Eastwood, “A man’s got to know his limitations.” Reality does not bend to our will. The gospel calls, but people can refuse it. Even though God is perfect and all-powerful, bad things still happen. And it remains far wiser to face pain and evil with God’s help rather than without it.

Provide forums for shared wisdom and supportive healing. Consider a Bible class on “The Christian and Emotions.” Begin with a pertinent text. Offer a few questions to promote thinking and application. Prepare to be amazed at how much people help one another in that setting. For example, offer 1 Corinthians 13 on love. Ask, “Why does the Holy Spirit offer us a behavioral description of love?” “What impresses you most about this description?” “What biblical characters best model each aspect of love as described in 1 Corinthians 13?” You’ll be amazed at the level of insight and impact that flows from such Bible-based discussion.

Support those who “get up and go on” with God. Even very strong people get knocked down by life. Think of David in Psalm 51. Think of Elijah in 1 Kings 19. Think of Peter’s denial (Matt 26:31–35, 69–75). Think of Barnabas (Gal 2:13). When people hit rough patches, they need such examples. They need to be reminded that God is fiercely loyal and loving.

We must stay spiritually healthy ourselves. If people hear us say one thing but model another, they will believe their eyes! Virtually everyone hates hypocrisy (Matt 23:1–14). Oppositely, we’re blessed to love the consistency and congruence of Jesus. Luke emphasized his attention on “all that Jesus began to do and teach” (Acts 1:1). His actions and teachings always corresponded; they always honored God (John 8:29). May the same be true of us!

Conclusion

Within the realm of church leadership and pastoral counseling, prevention is non-glamorous. It almost never brings “ah ha” moments when people tell us, “Thank you. This has helped me so much! I feel like I can move forward with God now.”

While the benefits of preventing unhealthy living will be quieter and less obvious, God will not let them remain invisible. In a sense, it’s like parenting. We teach and model “the discipline and instruction of the Lord” without seeing daily results or rewards (Eph 6:4). But eventually, we’re blessed to learn that God’s truth has changed hearts to be like Jesus (Eph 4:11–16; Prov 23:24). Sweet!