“Battle the Burden of Expectations”

by Bill Bagents

I’m glad that titles can’t be copyrighted. This one came online and immediately caught my contrarian eye. Expectations aren’t inherently good or bad. “Expectation” is a neutral word like cold or hot. Cold ice cream seems so necessary as to be redundant. Most of us strongly prefer hot pizza.

Expectations have played a major role in my life. Overwhelmingly, that role has been positive. As we left home during the teenage years, Dad would say, “Remember who your mother is.” Message received: Don’t do anything that would embarrass, disappoint, or make her cry. We were expected to tell the truth and treat others with respect. We were expected to behave in school and to do well. We were expected to work and worship with passion. I can’t imagine a life without expectations.

Even at my advancing age, I’m still somewhat at war with my self-imposed perfectionist expectations. I’ve never yet done anything perfectly, but on some level, I still believe that I both can and should. To be fair, I got really close when Laura Lynn and I married. I’d be way worse without her.

I should not imply that the battle with perfectionism has been all bad. It’s kept me from being a lump who settles and surrenders at the first sign of challenge. It has helped fuel life-long learning. It has made me appreciate the people who can deal with me “warts and all.”

Especially in light of my advancing age, there’s a bigger and more dangerous battle with expectations. Inexplicably, I still expect the people around me to do right, be kind, act rationally, and live as if God’s judgment is certain. And that’s not all bad if I teach and live in a way that pulls them in those good directions.

You know where the bad comes. On weaker days, it makes for a short fuse, long sighs, and jerk-level judgmentalism. On the worst days, you can’t please me; I can’t even please myself. It’s a terrible choice to be ruled by unfair expectations.

What should this awareness lead me to do? How can God, scripture, and friends help me act better than I feel when that’s stunningly needed?

It’s a blessing to contemplate God’s expectations of us. All He wants is us—heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:28–31). If we give ourselves to Him, He opens unimaginable windows of blessing. That’s why Paul by inspiration calls the choice to be a “living sacrifice” our “spiritual worship” or “reasonable service” depending on translation (Rom 12:1–2). It makes no sense to save your life if saving it means losing it (Luke 9:23–25 and 17:33). Scripture is so good with paradox.

It’s a blessing to acknowledge and resist the STRONG human tendency to expect more of others than of self. Scripture speaks of it often (Matt 7:1–4 and 18:21–35; Luke 18:9–14, 19:1–10, and 20:45–47). Each time we acknowledge this terrible tendency, we remember Matthew 7:2, “For with the judgment you pronounce, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

It’s a blessing to show mercy every time mercy can be shown (Matt 5:7, 9:13, and 12:7). Think of Jesus with the compromised woman (John 8:1–11). Think of Jesus with Peter (Matt 16:21–23 and 26:31–35). Think of Jesus with Saul / Paul (Acts 9). Think of both the Father and Son with us (Rom 5:6–8).

In a nutshell, the Creator of the universe expects us to welcome His love and to love Him in return. There can be no higher or better expectation. If we find that good news to be a burden, MAJOR IMMEDIATE repentance is needed (Matt 11:28–30, 1 John 5:1–5).