On the Formative Power of Friendship

Bill Bagents

Not all gifts come in boxes. Dr. Steve Williams forwarded a website with a STRONG suggestion to consider its contents for teaching purposes. We appreciate both the gift and the spirit behind it. We love reminders that flow from the intersection of biblical teaching, knowing people’s needs, and good sense. It was a link to an article describing the best advice that Bill Gates ever received from his friend Warren Buffett. Gates recalled how Buffett himself put it when the pair spoke to Columbia University students in 2017:

“You will move in the direction of the people that you associate with. So it’s important to associate with people that are better than yourself. The friends you have will form you as you go through life. Make some good friends, keep them for the rest of your life, but have them be people that you admire as well as like.” https://www.cnbc.com/2020/08/31/one-of-most-important-things-bill-gates-learned-from-warren-buffett.html 31 Aug 2020, updated 1 Sept 2020

Those wise words make us think of the Proverbs.

• “One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray” (12:26).
• “Whoever walks with the wise, becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (13:20).
• “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (17:17).
• “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (18:24).
• “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare” (22:24–25).
• “Do not forsake your friend or your father’s friend” (27:10).

We read the truth of Proverbs 22:24–25 again in 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Do not be deceived, bad company corrupts good morals.” We see that same truth as Jonadab worsened Amnon (2 Sam13:1–20) and as Solomon’s wives corrupted him (1 Kgs 11:1–4). For better or worse, we’re heavily influenced by our companions, and the closer they are to our hearts, the stronger their power to shape us.

It’s stunningly easy to focus on the negative power of relationships. How many parents and friends have said some version of, “He was such a good person until he fell in with the wrong crowd”? Being older, we now wonder, did he carelessly “fall in” with the wrong group? Or did he think himself an exception to their influence? Or did he on some level choose his preferred direction? Are those questions mutually exclusive, or might they be layered and interactive?

While negative examples are stunningly memorable, the majority of the Proverbs above invite us to consider the positive. Good people tend to make us better; good friends tend to pull us upward. Joshua was better with Caleb, David was better with Jonathan, and Paul was better with Barnabas. The Gates/Buffett example falls strongly on the encouraging side of the equation. It reminds us of the strategic intelligence of choosing our friends carefully. What if we consistently chose to ask ourselves:

• Will forming this friendship move us toward God?
• Will choosing this friend honor God?
• Will continuing this friendship help both of us become who God wants us to be?

We’re wise to choose friendship with people who make us better; we’re even wiser to also value those who welcome any godly influence that we can offer. Influence is never one way. We love the principle of synergy. The formative power of friendship is too strong and important to be ignored.

Truth isn’t truer because the rich and famous bring it to our attention, but we’d never ignore a fine reminder just because it comes from a noteworthy source. We stand amazed at how many sweet, simple, and powerful truths from the Bible continue to shine today.