Civility: Ethical Leadership in the Church

by Joel Stephen Williams

For a couple of decades now various research organizations have been reporting on the increase in political polarization in America, and many of the effects are harmful. Frank Newport cites research which shows that hostility and loathing of others influences voters more than loyalty to one’s own party. Anger is a primary means of motivating voters, which leads to negative campaigning. The sociological impact is “increasing disapprobation [moral condemnation, JSW] of one’s political opponents.” Newport says all of this has led to “skeptical views of institutions and social structures” that “skew us toward distrust, anger and internal infighting – not actionable efforts to fix problems and address threats.”1

Craig E. Johnson’s textbook on ethical leadership contrasts ethical ways for someone to argue in favor of a position versus unethical means. 2 Ethical ways to present one’s position include making assertions based on evidence and reason and arguing against the opponent’s case in the same manner. Unethical ways to argue include verbal aggressiveness which attacks other people rather than the stand they take on the issues. Aggressive tactics include competence attacks, character attacks, insults, teasing, ridicule, maledictions (wishing others harm), profanity, physical appearance attacks, threats, and nonverbal indicators that express hostility. We constantly see these in the public square.

“But that is politics. Why are you mentioning this in an article on church leadership,” someone may ask? I respond, “Merely notice how people in churches are talking and writing about others in conversations and in posts in social media, especially on religious or political topics.” We should all ask ourselves the question: “Have we allowed our culture to influence us more than we are trying to change our culture for good?”

What is Civility and
How is it Tied to Morality?

“Civility” shares the same etymology with words like “civilize,” “civilized,” and “civilization.” “Civility” refers to courtesy or politeness in one’s conduct. In the Christian sense Kerby Anderson recommends Jesus’s repetition of Leviticus 19:18 as a cardinal commandment for our guide in being civil: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt 22:39; NRSV). He explains: “If we truly love our neighbors, then we should be governed by moral standards that express concern for others and limit our own freedom. Perhaps the reason that civility is on the decline is that more and more people live for themselves and do not feel morally accountable to anyone (even God) for their actions or behavior.”3 He quotes Stephen Carter who also agrees on the root of the problem: “Rules of civility are thus also rules of morality; it is morally proper to treat our fellow citizens with respect, and morally improper not to. Our crisis of civility is part of a larger crisis of morality.”4 Changing our etiquette will not solve the problem. We need a moral and religious change.

What Civility Is Not

When civility is promoted, often someone will object because there is a misunderstanding about what civility entails. So, let us notice three things from Richard Mouw and one from James Calvin Davis that civility is not.

Civility is not relativism. Civility does not mean that you must agree with every idea that is promoted by everyone. As Richard Mouw argued, “Being civil doesn’t mean that we cannot criticize what goes on around us. Civility doesn’t require us to approve of what other people believe and do. It is one thing to insist that other people have the right to express their basic convictions; it is another thing to say that they are right in doing so.”5

Civility is not liking everyone. We are to love everyone, but biblical love and liking everyone is not the same thing. The key term for love in the New Testament (agapē) is defined as “the quality of warm regard for and interest in another.”6 While this term is used for the love of husbands and wives for one another and our love for God and Christ, remember that it is also used for the love we must have for our enemies (Matt 5:44). We need to seek what is in the best interest of everyone, whether we like them or not.

Civility is not an evangelistic strategy. “If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Rom. 12:18), but do not do it merely to try to get someone into the waters of the baptistry. Christians were “to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show every courtesy to everyone” (Titus 3:2), but do not do it just to give the appearance of being a gentleman or a lady so that maybe you will win debate points. “Honor everyone” (1 Pet 2:17), but again, do it with sincerity, not primarily to manipulate a hefty donation out of a rich person or to get a gift from a wealthy relative. Sincerity and honesty are virtues that should be practiced along with civility.

Finally, civility is not passivity. Civility is not sitting back and doing nothing in acquiescence. Davis borrows a metaphor from Os Guinness and compares civility to sportsmanship. Imagine two football teams that play a hard-fought game. There are plenty of hard hits and rough tackles, but there are no cheap shots or violations of the rules. One team wins and another team loses. The players are rivals, but they respect each other. Some of them hug each other and shake hands both before the game and after the game. That is good sportsmanship, and it is comparable to civility in religious discourse. We know we are not always going to agree. As Os Guinness put it, “What we are looking for [in civility] is not so much truths that can unite us as terms on which we can negotiate and by which we can live with the differences that divide us.” 7

Acting with Civility

The incarnation of Christ was the dawn of a new age for the world that meant light to replace the darkness so that we might be guided in the way of peace (Luke 1:79).8 Jesus taught, “Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another” (Mark 9:50). Paul wrote, “Pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding” (Rom 14:19). “Agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you” (2 Cor. 13:11). On the negative side, he said, “You must get rid of all such things—anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive language from your mouth” (Col 3:8), and “Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear” (Eph 4:29). So, in our interactions with others, especially non-Christians, Paul wrote, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer everyone” (Col 4:6). From the apostle Peter we are told, “Always be ready to make your defense to anyone who demands from you an accounting for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and reverence” (1 Pet 3:15–16). Do not behave like the world. Christian leaders, be a good example of gracious speech, seasoned with salt, and teach the flock the “way of peace.”

1 Frank Newport, “The Impact of Increased Political Polarization,” Gallup, 5 December 2019, https://news.gallup.com/opinion/polling-matters/268982/impact-increased-political-polarization.aspx; cf. “Partisan Antipathy: More Intense, More Personal: Majority of Republicans say Democrats are ‘more unpatriotic’ than other Americans,” Pew Research Center, 10 October 2019, https://www.people-press.org/2019/10/10/partisan-antipathy-more-intense-more-personal/?utm_source=link_newsv9&utm_campaign=item_268982&utm_medium=copy

2 Craig E. Johnson, Meeting the Ethical Challenges of Leadership: Casting Light or Shadow, 6th ed. (Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE, 2018), 217–18.

3 Kerby Anderson, Christian Ethics in Plain Language (Nashville, TN: Nelson, 2005), 34.

4 Anderson, Christian Ethics, 34–35.

5 Richard Mouw, Uncommon Decency: Christian Civility in an Uncivil World, 2nd ed. (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2010), 22.

6 Frederick William Danker, A Greek-English Lexicon, 3rd ed. (Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press, 2000), 6.

7 Cited by James Calvin Davis, In Defense of Civility: How Religion Can Unite America on Seven Moral Issues That Divide Us (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2010), 161.

8 Just as we are unable in a short article to deal with every possible objection that might be raised (for example, what about the harsh criticism Jesus made of the Pharisees), likewise we cannot give a full definition of the biblical understanding of “peace.” The New Testament term (eirēnē) is defined by Danker, Greek-English Lexicon, 287–88, as (1) a state of concord or (2) a state of well-being.