Effective Pastoral
Counseling
by Bill Bagents
We
appreciate the work of Jesus as Chief Shepherd and godly elders as shepherds
under the His authority (1 Pet 5:1-5, Heb 13:17). We mean no disrespect to those roles when we
use the term “pastoral counseling.” Broadly,
pastoral counseling describes “people helping” in a religious context,
practiced by those who are recognized on some level as spiritual leaders. We don’t view the term as challenging
biblical teaching or denying the special leadership roles described in the
Bible.
When
we say “pastoral counseling,” we are not thinking clinically. We are not picturing a counseling office with
a licensed professional and diplomas hanging on the wall. Rather, we’re picturing a person with a
measure of love, wisdom, and spirituality seeking to help a friend (Acts
18:24-28, Gal 6:1-5, Phil 2:1-4 and 4:1-3, 2 Tim 2:1-7, Titus 2:1-8).
Key #1: Love
Every
service that flows from Jesus flows from love (Matt 22:36-40). If it doesn’t flow from love, it doesn’t flow
from Scripture or from God. Love
obligates us to help others in the name of Jesus. Love enables us to help
others in the name of Christ. Love equips us to help others in the name of
Christ. When we choose Jesus, we choose
love. Love always tries; love always
finds a way (1 Cor 13). It’s amazing to think of how strongly people are drawn
to love. When people know we love them,
they’ll give us opportunity after opportunity to help.
Key #2: Listen
Love
listens with heart, soul, mind, and strength.
The bulk of effective pastoral counseling is listening with love. There’s an innate and powerful human need to
be heard, valued, and understood. Christian
listening reminds people that God loves and listens. Listening builds trust and respect. Listening gives us context and understanding
so that we can follow the First Rule of Counseling—Don’t Make It Worse. Listening protects us and those we’re helping
from dangerous assumptions and false assertions.
The
devil works powerfully through lies. One
of his major lies about listening is, “If you listen with attentive love, you
have agreed with everything that you’re hearing.” Listening isn’t agreeing or approving. Rather
listening is loving, learning, and seeking to understand how to be of
help. Think of the three categories of
struggling people listed in 1 Thessalonians 5:14. Each group has a notably
different need. Without effective
listening, we could find ourselves categorically wrong and doing great
harm. Imagine the folly of upholding the
unruly and failing to lend strength to the weak!
Key #3: Limit Your
Expectations
The
devil loves to misuse Scripture and logic; “Love obligates us to help others.
If we try to help and it doesn’t work, then we have failed God.” People can be amazingly resistant to help, even
the best of help. God tried to help
Cain, but Cain still committed murder (Gen 4). Jesus loved and tried to help
the rich young ruler, but he left Him sorrowful (Mark 10:17-22). Faithful, loving
effort, not visible success, must be our standard for effective pastoral
counseling.
