Forgiveness Is Necessary
Ted Burleson
We are looking for excuses that people make for not becoming a Christian. One of the excuses that people make for not becoming a Christian is, “I cannot forgive.” I do not know if anyone has told you this before, but I have heard this before. Also, this is something that we need to talk about, because all of us need to be individuals who can forgive. The necessity of forgiveness is one of the things upon which the Bible and modern behavioral science agree. In the March 1, 2017 edition of Psychology Today, there is a well-written article by Tina Gilbertson called, “When You Can’t Forgive.” From this article, I wish to call three quotations to your attention. These words are not as important as the Bible, but the words show the importance of forgiveness.
The first quotation from that Psychology Today article says, “Experts urge us to forgive as quickly and fully as possible.” The experts, whoever they are, agree with the word of God. We ought to forgive as quickly and as fully as possible. The second quote from that article says, “According to the pros, we should forgive for the sake of our health and happiness.” So, forgiveness is not just for that other person that we forgive; it is for our own lives. It is for our sake. It is for our health.
I know of an individual, who about thirty-years-ago, had a bad, bad situation happen at the church that she attended, and she became bitter. She was so bitter that she left that church. She held onto those bitter feelings and would not forgive. She developed a lot of headaches and spent a lot of time and money going to doctors all over the world. She became even more bitter as she became convinced that the individuals at that church had caused her to have these terrible health problems. I do not know if that was a contributing factor, but her husband even left her. Today, thankfully, she has recovered, and she is doing great. But for thirty years, she suffered from severe health problems, because she held a terrible grudge and could not forgive.
The words of the third quote from the Gilbertson’s article say, “Refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Failing to forgive is a poison. It will hurt us for years and years to come. Let us spend the next few minutes looking at some reasons that we have to forgive. And if you are holding back on becoming a Christian because you do not think that you can forgive, consider these verses.
Do you remember “The Model Prayer,” sometimes called “The Lord’s Prayer?” I like to call it “The Disciples’ Prayer” because it was prayed for the disciples. Jesus prayed, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:9-13; cf. Luke 11:2-4). In Matthew’s account, Jesus prays, “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done. On earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread.” And then, notice this, “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one, for Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.”
I wonder how many of us have that memorized. A lot of times in Bible classes, Bible teachers will ask us to memorize certain passages. That is a very important part of our lives. But let us not remember the prayer and forget the components, the parts of the prayer. “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.”
I am not much on written, memorized prayers other than the Lord’s prayer. A friend of mine studies prayers, especially famous prayers. He collects prayers. When we are together, he will often lead us in prayer. He usually reads that prayer. Well, I want to read you a prayer. This prayer is about forgiving someone. Pray a prayer like this: “Lord, I bring to mind (name of the person). I bring his or her name before you because I feel hurt by them. Right now, I confess any negative feelings that I have about that person. I forgive the wrongs that they have done toward me. I forgive any deliberate and intentional things that they have done to me that have caused me pain in the best way that I know how I fully forgive them. I release them to you now that I have forgiven (the name of the person). I choose not to hold any grudges toward him or her. Thank you that as I am praying now, you are freeing me of resentment, pain, and bitterness, and filled me with freedom, joy, and love. In Jesus’ name, Amen.” *
It reminds us that we need to be praying especially hard for those individuals that have wronged us. Has someone hurt you? I can guarantee you that in your life, people have hurt you, but do not hold a grudge; forgive them. “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” Jesus said, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Of course, “Father” here is referring to God. So, if we want to be forgiven by our heavenly Father, we have to forgive. I do not know about you, but I sin and come short of the glory of God. But I must forgive to be forgiven. Life is too short to hold grudges. I know that sometimes people can hurt us, especially in marriages and in couple-relationships. It is easy to get hurt.
People can say things that hurt us. Sometimes we go through life holding a grudge, not seeming to be able to get over that or to be able to reconcile with those people. If we do not get back together and have a relationship, at least we need to forgive one another. If we can be friends, that is good, but this is not always possible. But for sure, we must forgive. Do you know why? If we do not forgive, we will not be forgiven.
If we are going to be forgiven, we have to forgive. When we pray, we need to confess any negative feelings that we have about someone. We ought to love everyone. We need to be the kind of individuals that, if we know that we have a problem with someone, as we are talking with God, we need to confess that we need to tell God that we are sorry and confess those negative feelings.
Now, here comes the question, “How many times must we forgive those who sin against us?” “That rascal over there, he keeps bothering me, and he will ask me for forgiveness, and then he will come back and bother me again. How many times must I forgive him? I have about had it!” Who in the New Testament said to Jesus, “Lord, how often should my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?” Of course, in Matthew 18:21–22, that individual was Peter; Peter asked that question. Of course, “brother” there does not just mean someone who has the same mother and father; this indicates a relationship that we have because we are Christians; because we belong to Jesus, and we love Jesus. So, we have to forgive our brothers and our sisters when they sin against us.
Can you imagine Peter counting? Can you hear him possibly saying, “Now, that is five times that I have forgiven you! Two more times will I forgive you, and then do not ask me to forgive you again.” Maybe some of us feel that it is like baseball; three strikes and you are out! Peter was willing to go to seven strikes; “Seven strikes and you are out!” Peter likely thought that he was doing the right thing because the teachers of that time, the rabbis, taught that if you forgave someone three times, that was all that was required. So, when Peter said up to seven times, he likely thought that he was very generous. But Jesus said to Peter, “I do not say unto you, unto seven times, but to seventy times seven.”
Sometimes, parents have a problem forgiving their teens and young adults, and that brings about bad times in the family. If it is at all possible, let us forgive. Someone is saying, “Preacher, I cannot allow this to keep happening and have any self-respect left.” I want you to know, the “poison” is hurting you, not them, and that we have to forgive to be forgiven.
“Judge not, and you shall not be judged” (Luke 6:37). And from the same Bible passage, Luke quotes Jesus as saying, “Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned.” We may have discovered the most abused verse in all of Scripture. People will say, “You are judging me; it says, ‘judge not!’” That does not mean that we cannot go by Scripture, and when Scripture says that something is wrong, it is wrong. We are not judging someone. We are going by God’s Word; God has made the judgment. I am not asking us to go soft on Scripture.
It is easy to judge people harshly. Perhaps they do not look like we think that they ought to look, and it is easy to judge them. What if their skin tone is not the color of ours, or they do not speak our language, is it easy to turn an evil eye toward them? Have you seen the evil eye?
As Jesus was hanging on the cross, the soldiers divided Jesus’ garments by casting lots. They played a game of chance to see who would get his clothes. As Jesus was dying on the cross, he prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34). If Jesus could pray for forgiveness for those who nailed Him to the cross, certainly, we ought to find a way to forgive those who sin against us.
*Adapted from “What Does the Bible Say About Bitterness and Resentment,” CNB, https://www1.cbn.com/teachingsheets/bible-bitterness-and-resentment I am not advocating everything on that website, but that prayer was helpful.
